the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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