i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
