Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
someone get that fucking seahorse.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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