I smell stomach acid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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