At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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