super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
