Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
