i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
