I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
