It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
