Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
