I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
