Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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