apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
