I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
