i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
