I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
