I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
