his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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