from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hippo gnu deer
ttyl tear gas
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
