i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
