Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
