She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My bed smells like the plague
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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