Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
