dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
