Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
