She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Buhtt sex?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
