after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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