I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
