i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
