Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
