the condom got lost in my hair
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
