I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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