So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
