i think i have two assholes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
