i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
