At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
