i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
