ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
