Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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