Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
