I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
