my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
