So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want a musical about memes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
