just tell him i said nine months
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
