I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
