It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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