would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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