Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
