I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
