this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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