I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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