she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
